Absolutely Nothing and Virtually Everything

Well, this is embarrassing.  It's been almost a full month since I last posted and for this I apologize profusely; Not to you, of course -- I can guarantee the world kept on spinning despite my lack of babbling nonsense to clog the internet -- I'm apologizing to myself.  Before winter break began I told myself I was going to get a lot of stuff done: keep up with my Japanese, blog more often than once every week, start editing my NaNo novel, teach myself old Norse. (That last one is only half a joke.)  I didn't do any of those things.  Granted, I did read three sizable books but it still feels like I let myself down because I didn't accomplish the goals I had set for during my time off.  If this blog post can't eliminate sloth and make the world a perfect place, it'll at least -- I hope -- put everything in my own mind to peace.

Once finals were over and winter break began I had much to do but did absolutely nothing and virtually everything.  By this I mean my days were spent racing cars and crashing into fences in the virtual world of Asphalt 8: Airborne.  At least I was able to multitask and watch Netflix, too.  Instead of working on the things I told myself I would work on over break, I sat around in my pajamas all day either playing Asphalt 8 on my iPhone, watching Netflix until I felt hungry enough to get off my butt to get a piece fruit because it involved less work than making myself a peanut butter sandwich, or reading a book that I couldn't put down.  I'd like to think that the book being so captivating is what kept me from working on other projects -- specifically, the editing of my own novel -- but when I wasn't reading there seemed to be plenty of time to play Asphalt 8.  If I can't balance turning pages with tearing them apart word by word, I'll never be the level of writer that, in turn, can keep a reader glued to their seat and prevent them from getting other, more important tasks done.

As pleased as I am with how much I read over the break, it did not occupy the majority of my time spent.  As aforementioned, most of my time was spent playing games on my iPhone or watching Netflix.  No.  That isn't right.  A significant majority of the day was actually spent reading but I'm so distraught with myself over how much time I "wasted" playing games -- as little time as that may have been -- it seems far more important than the positive things I did over break.  Such is the way of my mind: A small negative devours larger positives until only wrongs in my mind remain.

During break, I would have said that it has been excellent.  I was able to spend time with family, see a myriad of movies, watch U.S. Olympic Trials, and, in general, engage in activities that were very relaxing.  I felt that it was a much deserved hiatus.  Even sitting around doing nothing can be beneficial.  However, I now find myself with a case of the post-break blahs.  A little break is good but taking a break to the point where I panic when I have to be a responsible human being again is definitely not.  I do nothing for so long that I forget what it's like to have structure in my day, to have things I need to get done.  This is a mental state I go through during and after every break but more so after winter break because it is so long (nearly an entire month).  All I can do is stay busy, take a day at a time and wait until the stormy sea of my thoughts calms down.

To anyone else this may seem like absolutely nothing more than the idle ramblings of an anxious college student but to me it's virtually everything.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Forgive the stream of consciousness writing, unless you dig that sort of thing; I'm a little out of practice.  To make up for everything I didn't write over break I'm going to try and post every day or at the very least every other day until I think I've caught up to where I want to be.  I hope that I'll finish a sonnet or two along the way but I can't make any promises.  This week, instead of a sonnet I'll leave you with a poor excuse for a pun.  Have a good one! - NLD

Not with Asphalt 8 but sitting on my ass, fault lies in my mind.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Liked this post?  Didn't like it?
Leave some feedback and let me know why!  I'm always seeking to improve.
Thanks for reading!

Unpublished material, ©2014 Neal Digre